Brian Gorman, Author at TransformingLives.Coach

“C” Is For Courage!

March 17, 2015 By Brian Gorman

Change is hard. Big change is really hard.

And it is scary. If you have done your homework, your intent is clear; but, no matter how well you plan or prepare, the path forward is littered with uncertainties.

It takes courage to step into change. It takes letting go of what is familiar.

Think about it. How often, for how long, have you stayed in less-than-comfortable situations because the thought of what it would take to change them, what you might have to let go of, the risk involved…whatever…held you back?

Sometimes change means stepping “out of the frying pan and into the fire,” even though you are not sure that the suit you are wearing is fireproof. It is not doing so foolishly, but with forethought, commitment, and courage.

Change takes the courage to let go of your ego. You will make mistakes. There will be times that you will look and feel foolish. People will call you everything under the sun–behind your back and/or to your face–for even considering the change.

Change takes the courage to fail, and the courage to succeed. Any big change is going to present you with a whole new set of challenges, some of which you will be prepared for and some of which may seem overwhelming.

Change takes the courage to risk, to explore, to make really tough decisions without the information that you would like to have. It takes the courage to say no to some really important things in life so that you have the ability and the resources required to remain focused on the change.

Change takes courage. There will be times when your courage waivers. When mine does I remind myself, I would rather look back and know that my best wasn’t good enough, than look back and know I didn’t try as hard as I could.

Change takes courage.

Share your experience of courage and change below.

Enlist People In Your Change!

March 10, 2015 By Brian Gorman

We’ve talked about the role that one-way and two-way communication can play in the success of your change. But sometimes, communication isn’t enough. Sometimes you need to enlist people to support the change.

Let’s take a look at what it takes to enlist people.

The first step is to identify those you need to enlist. Whether the change is personal or organizational, it isn’t everyone. Because enlisting is time (and resource) intensive, you want to be selective.

Within organization’s, it is easier to identify your enlistment “targets;” they are the top ranks of your leadership, those whose active–and supportive–engagement you need in order to cascade the change through the organization.

There is a second, and more difficult to identify, group…those who are influencers, even though they may not hold a formal leadership or management role. We will be exploring the influencer’s role, and how to identify these individuals, in an upcoming post. For now, ask yourself who are the people that Emma Employee will point to and say, She’s not on board with this change, so I’m not ready to commit to it either. These are the influencers you need to enlist.

At the personal change level it is unlikely that there is much (if any) “leadership cascade.” So here your focus may be exclusively on identifying the influencers. Begin with these questions: 1) Whose support do I need to make this change successful? 2) To whom will these people turn for guidance and direction related to this change? The people you identify in response to the second question are the people you need to enlist.

{NOTE: The enlistment process as I describe it here is based on Conner Partners’ enrollment process; while I have tailored it to address individuals as well as organizations, the fundamental principles and questions are the same.)

There are three principles that are critical to enlistment.

First, it is a dialogue. Begin by laying out the intent of the change. Here you may want to reference, or even tell, your change story (as discussed in earlier posts). Allow, and encourage, clarifying questions.

Second, it is face-to-face, eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart. This is not something that can be done long distance.

Third, your focus is on building their understanding of, and commitment to, your change.

Once you have laid out the change, there are three questions that you want to ask. Their sequence is important, because it helps frame how people will respond to what you have told them.

First, ask What do you like most about what I have told you?

Second, ask What do you want to challenge? Note that this is not “What don’t you like? or “What would you change?” The question “What do you want to challenge?” makes clear that while you are open to hearing their voice, you are the decision-maker.

Third, ask What else should I (we) consider as the change moves forward?

Listen.

If you are not clear about what is being said, ask clarifying questions.

Listen.

Don’t judge. Don’t reject what is being offered.

Listen.

My recommendation is to give people time to reflect on what they have heard before you take the next step…which is enlisting them to take action in support of your change. Best is overnight…”Think about it over lunch” doesn’t give them enough time; “Let’s get back together next week” is more time than is needed.

When you get back together, be open to any questions they might have, answer them, and then ask for their commitment to support you. Be specific about what you want them to do, how you want them to express/demonstrate their commitment.

if you are applying this to a personal change, or working with influencers inside an organization, most of your enlistment sessions will be one-on-one. Different people will bring different perspectives to the change; you want to be able to tailor your responses to their individual frames of reference. (There may be times when a couple, or a group of friends, or members of a team you are on are enlisted together. Don’t rule it out…though it is usually not the norm.)

If you are enlisting the traditional organizational hierarchy, it is likely that you will enlist those who report to you. The action you will ask of them is to enlist those who report to them. Cascade the enlistment as far as your change warrants.

Have you ever been enlisted to support a change in this way? What was your experience?

Communication Goes Both Ways.

March 3, 2015 By Brian Gorman

In our last post I wrote about the importance of one-way communication. This week, we will take a look at two-way communication. Once again I will address a few critical, and often overlooked, things to focus on.

It seems so obvious…but it’s not. Why are you having the conversation? All too often, the people engaged in a discussion go into it with different assumptions about the roles each are playing and what that means to the outcome.

The most common misunderstanding has to do with decision-making. Why does she ask our opinion? She never listens to us when it really matters! Chatter like this takes place thousands of times a day. It fosters resentment, raises resistance, and eats at credibility. It is also easily addressed on the front end. Be explicit about why you are engaging people in the conversation.

I want your advice on a change that I am considering making. I will listen, and will weigh your input carefully…but it is my decision to make.

I have decided that we are moving forward with this change. I know that you have concerns, and it is important that we get them out on the table. I will work with you to figure out how we address them.

Right now it seems that each of us has our own priorities. The result is that we are working against one another, instead of supporting one another. We need to agree as a team what the priorities are; if we cannot, then I will take your input and set the priorities for us.

In each of these examples, the purpose of the conversation is made clear. It may be to inform a decision, to help make a decision, or to explore what will get in the way of successfully executing a decision that has already been made. At the end of the day, there is no question, though. Participants understand the roles they are to play in the discussion.

The second topic I want to address is the role of two-way communication and resistance.

We have talked before about the fact that people resist change, whether they perceive it as negative or positive. And, we’ve discussed the fact that if you don’t see resistance, either the change is being executed at a superficial level, or the resistance is underground.

Two-way communication–when done in an open and trusting environment–is a means of both surfacing and addressing resistance. Again, you have to be explicit about the purpose of the conversation, e.g. There is no question that the change is being made. What I am seeking is your input on the best way to move it forward.

There are a few keys to successfully engaging people in this type of conversation. First, you need to be open to hearing what others have to say. If you do it for appearance-sake, you are undermining yourself and the change. Second, people need to be able to trust you if they are to be truthful with you; recognize and value–don’t shoot–the messenger. Third, you need to respond to what you hear, and the sooner, the better; when you respond, be as explicit as possible.

I hear your concern about the fact that you were not consulted on this decision. It was a highly personal one, and one that I had to make on my own. Now that it is made, I am open to working with you on how to carry it out.

I don’t yet know which of our locations we will be letting go of. That decision will be made within the next 45 days; as soon as it is, I will let you know.

I understand how much time it takes to complete that analysis each week, and agree that while the results are interesting, they don’t drive decisions. Effective immediately, let’s discontinue it.

If you are going to successfully move through a change, whether personal or organizational, maintain two-way communication with those who will be making the journey with you. It will help make the navigation a lot more sure.

Feel free to share your own insights and experiences.

Speaking of Communicating…

February 24, 2015 By Brian Gorman

In earlier posts we talked about how to create and tell your change story. Over the next few weeks we’ll take a broader look at communicating your change. In particular, I want to address: one-way communication; two-way communication; enlisting; and aligning words and actions. Each has its place when used effectively, and when used in balance. There are blogs, books, videos, guides, and research articles on all of these topics, so we aren’t going into any of them in depth… I am, however, going to provide a few key points on each one that can make a significant difference in the success of your change journey, whether personal or organizational.

In this week’s post we look at one-way communication. This one can be–and very often is–used way too much.

There is a time and a place for the “rally to the cause speech.” Certainly Martin Luther King knew this, as did President Kennedy when he launched the mission to “land a man on the moon and bring him safely home.” In many ways, each was telling their version of the change story. Perhaps you’ll be telling your story at a town hall meeting for an organizational change. For a personal change, you may do your telling at the dinner table, or gathered together in the living room. And, whether telling the story in a small gathering or large, it is important that you be fully present with your audience, that you interact with them, respond to them and the ways in which they are responding to you, even as you communicate to them.

Most often, one-way communication takes the form of directives. Sometimes they are straight-forward (Get everything on the punch list completed this week), and sometimes they are cloaked in more polite terms (I would really appreciate it if you would get everything on the punch list completed this week). In either case, there is no uncertainty about the expectation: complete the work on the punch list. Directives will often get you compliance; they don’t generally do much in terms of building commitment.

Whether you are the CEO of a Fortune 50, the owner of a small business, or driving your own personal transformational change, there is one critically important time when one-way communication–as a precursor to two-way communication–is essential.

Ultimately, in each of these circumstances, you are the person accountable for the success (or failure) of the change. You have listened to others, reflected on what is in your heart, and have made the decision to move forward. That decision has to be communicated clearly and unequivocally. This isn’t the time for I’ve been thinking about… or I was wondering, what if… It is time for, I have decided…

You may want to keep the door open for discussion on how to execute the change; in fact, this is something I would recommend and we will explore more in the next post. But, once the decision has been made, you don’t want to open it up to question and challenge.

Share you experience with one-way communication during change.

Stop!

February 17, 2015 By Brian Gorman

STOP!

It’s so easy to say. It’s so hard to do. During change it’s often missed, forgotten about, skipped over, avoided, or put on the back burner. Yet it’s so critical to succeeding at your change.

Why is “stop” so important? It’s simple. Nothing is infinite. Time. Money. Open-heartedness. Energy. Focus. Capacity to adapt to change. Everything has limits. And, unless you are in the unusual position of being blessed with everything that you need to achieve your change without putting anything else aside, you need to think about–and act on–STOP.

First, a brief history lesson.

One of the forefathers of change management was William Bridges. More than 35 years ago, Bridges published Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Changes. Among the topics he covered: “stops, starts, stays.”

Addressing what you are going to start doing is a topic we have discussed before in several posts. The same is true about your anchors, the “stays.” However, we have said little about the “stops” until now.

Without STOP, you may start, but it is unlikely you will achieve lasting success. So, how do you decide what to stop during change? This post focuses on personal change; the process for executing “stop” in organizations is quite similar. (If you are interested in learning more about this, let me know and I can walk you through it.)

First, it is important to know what you are going to need more of in order to succeed. For purposes of this blog, let’s say that your change is going to require time, focus, a financial investment, and ability to adapt to change. (Don’t forget this last one…it is vitally important!)

Quantify them: let’s say you will need 15 hours/week of absolute focus; virtually all of your adaptation capacity, given how big the change is; and to cut your discretionary spending by 25%.

Now you are going to have to decide where these things are going to come from. None is available in the hall closet or on the store shelf. So what do you stop to free them up?

Begin with the time-wasters; that’s an easy one. Most of us have things we do, whether in our work lives or on our own time, that waste time. Perhaps you take public transportation, and spend 4 hours a week playing Sudoko during your commute. If that is 4 hours that you can invest in your change–and playing Sudoko is not a mental or spiritual practice–you are a quarter of the way there; but if its you can’t invest the time in this change, keep Sudoko going. (You don’t need more change.)

If the change is very big, chances are the time-wasters are not going to free up the time, focus, and financial resources that are needed; and, they don’t free up any adaptation capacity. So, now you have to start looking at the important things that you are doing.

Begin by listing them all out. Perhaps you go out weekly with close friends. One of my clients refers to these people as his “heart friends;” they are the people who are there for him through thick and thin. You spend time every week reading; sometimes it is casual and relaxing, and at other times it is work-related. Then there is the weekly sports activity: softball in the summer, bowling fall through spring. Finally, there are the plans you have been developing to launch your own business. None of these are the big change you are preparing for as you consider your “stops,” yet each of them is important.

Again, look at each one in terms of the resources you need to set free. Some of them require time, but not adaptation capacity; planning to launch your business has been burning adaptation capacity as well as time.

You may find something, or things, to stop that will free up the resources that you need. Or, perhaps, you just slow something down; for example, you may decide to move to every other week dining with heart friends, and talk with them about rotating hosting the dinners rather than going out. In this way you are freeing up some of the time, and some of the financial resources.

You will also need to put your personal business plans on hold. Right now, they are eating up adaptation capacity, and you have determined that you will need all of this you can muster.

What happens if you have squeezed all of the adaptation capacity, time, focus, and discretionary dollars you can out of the important things in your life, and it’s still not enough?

Now it is time to get to the really tough choices. Do you make adjustments to the new change that you are trying to launch so that the resources you have freed up are enough? Do you cut back on the time that you spend with your family? Do you postpone the vacation that you have been promising the family (and for which you have been planning together) over the past nine months? Do you set aside your spiritual practice to free up that time? Do you turn down the promotion that you have been offered that will increase your income, but demand additional adaptation capacity, time and focus?

If it is imperative that you succeed at this change, all of the above need to be on the table. If you can’t find enough to stop in order to free up all of the things that you will need, then it is quite simple. Prepare to fail. You may get part of the way there; you may get most of the way. But, no matter how important the change, no matter how much you believe in it, no matter what success means, if you don’t have the resources and the adaptation capacity to succeed, success is not possible.

Don’t breathe too easily. If you have freed up what you need, you still can’t rest easy. STOP is not “once and done.”

Now it is important to maintain vigilance. Things creep in. Perhaps a family member comes to you with a request for piano lessons, or a gym membership. Maybe the office moves, adding to your commute time (and eating up some of the time you have freed up for this change). Your mechanic is recommending that you replace the car, rather than the transmission. None of these has anything to do with the change that is your imperative; each of them puts it at risk.

Set aside time on a regular basis to assess whether you need to reassess your”stop” decisions again, whether you need to rethink your change, or whether you are still on track.

Share what you have learned in your experience about STOP and its impact on your change efforts.

…And Then the Hard Drive Failed

February 12, 2015 By Brian Gorman

I try to post on Tuesdays. Sometimes I write and store online; sometimes, like this week, my work is kept on the desktop pc. Tuesday morning started like most of my days. The plan was to do a final read and edit of the blog, post it to the website and LinkedIn, and then move on to a client project that had a tight deadline. But, when I went to the computer, the screen was blank, except for a bit of text that included the words “No boot device available.” Translation…”The hard drive has failed.”

As I sit here writing a new post on Wednesday evening, I am working on the iPad. I know there are options for getting it from here up to the internet; I will figure it out when the time comes. Then I will need to figure out whether the drive can be saved, or whether I have lost it. The drive is backed up…I think. The backup program is scheduled to run every night, but I rarely check to confirm it has done its thing while I slumber.

I have backed up my work for years. But sometimes, that doesn’t help either. In addition to change mentoring, I am a photographer. I store my photos on a four-drive RAID 5 external drive. RAID 5 means that as soon as the photograph is sent to the computer, it is stored in two different locations on different drives. Safe.

Then, a couple years ago, failure! Not one of the drives, which would have meant that the photos were safe because of the redundancy. It was a software failure. There were still more than eighty thousand photographs, times two. But, there was no file structure. No folders. No file names. No ability to access anything.

It took me over eight months to recover almost everything. The recovery software could not rescue files over a certain size. I am sure that as I viewed images one by one I missed retrieving some of them. And, I lost most of the data that is part of my indexing system. But, bottom line, I recovered from the crash. And now the photographs are stored on a new four drive RAID 5 that is then backed up to another one. Someday something may not go according to plan again. Perhaps I am better prepared…or maybe not.

I bring up the failure of the drive not to provide an excuse for not posting, but because it is a fresh reminder for me of an essential lesson when facing change. There is an important place for planning when approaching and moving through change. But, things happen. As the saying goes, “Man plans and the gods laugh.”

The lesson is simple. Yes, plan. And then do it. Know that your plan is incomplete. Know that you will have to make some of it up as you go along. Know that you will make mistakes. Know that you can’t, as one of my clients puts it, “dot every ‘i’ and cross every ‘t.'” And even if you could find a way to do so, at some point it will go off course. if you are too dependent on the plan, you will too.

Plan, and then be prepared for the unexpected. It is inevitable. And, don’t wait for every line of your plan to be written. The opportunity that you are pursuing may pass you by; the course you are attempting to correct will veer even further astray. Move forward. Someday the hard drive may crash. Or, it may not.

What is your experience with planning? Has it helped you, failed you, propelled you forward, held you back? Feel free to comment and add your own story.