Brian Gorman, Author at TransformingLives.Coach

I Like This Change. It Will Easily Succeed!

May 31, 2015 By Brian Gorman

Hopefully you will not be surprised to find out that liking a change and the ease of achieving success are not at all related!

First, let’s clear up some mis-perceptions. There are very few if any changes that are inherently positive. Whether or not a change is positive is–in fact–in the eye of the beholder.

You may see the move to Office 365 as positive; it helps you access your files from multiple devices at any time and in any place. At the same time, I may see it as negative; now I need to subscribe to Office, instead of just paying a one-time licensing fee. If you won a multi-million dollar lottery, you may see it as negative because of all the major disruptions it will cause in your life and your relationships. If I won, I might perceive it as positive because of all the new possibilities it might offer for the work that I want to do in the world.

Today’s blog is not about positive change; it is about positively perceived change.

Next, let me credit the source of the graphic above, as well as my understanding of what I am presenting here. I was first introduced to this concept when I trained with Conner Partners back in the late 1980’s; what I learned then remains a solid set of principles to apply in the 2010’s.

If the change is big, and you perceive it as positive, beware! Every day, whether at work or in our personal lives, tens of thousands of us–perhaps millions–start on changes of this nature. And, every day, tens of thousands of us–perhaps millions–check out of the very changes we enthusiastically embraced days, weeks, months, or even years ago. So what goes wrong?

Perhaps, in specific cases, one could identify “what went wrong.” But, most of the time, the problem is not that anything specific went wrong other than that those going through the change did not understand the pattern underlying it.

So, let me let you in on that pattern.

When we begin a really big change in our life that we perceive as positive, we are beginning it in a state of “uninformed optimism.” In marriage, and often in a new job, this is referred to as “the honeymoon.” We see everything in a positive light.

It’s a honeymoon because we don’t know what we don’t know.

Uninformed optimism is general. “This is great! I have a new job. I am earning significantly more money. I have a great title. I like the people that I report to, and the ones that report to me. I am a lot closer to the office than I was in my old job.”

BUT… Uninformed optimism is followed by informed pessimism! In big changes–whether they be personal, organizational, or even societal–this is the inevitable reality. We are optimistic because we are going into the change with a significant level of naivete.

As reality hits home, pessimism increases, and it gets pretty specific. “I have a new job…and instead of working 40 hours a week I am working ten hours a day, seven days a week.” “I may be earning significantly more money, but I am paying an incredible price for doing so.” “What’s in a title?” “I liked the people that I report to…until I discovered that they don’t want to hear anything that I have to say.” “The people that report to me smile, and shake their heads yes, and then go and do whatever they want anyway.” “I am closer to the office in distance…but the traffic in this direction makes my commute twice as long.”

What happens as pessimism increases? Enthusiasm wanes. Resistance increases. Doubts arise. The very change that you were so excitedly driving forward (or had eagerly jumped on board to support) becomes questionable. Do you really want to do this? Are you really able to succeed at it? Is it worth the cost?

The most important thing to keep in mind at this point in the cycle is that informed pessimism is not a signal that something is wrong. Rather, it is an inevitable part of the cycle. When you find yourself here you know that in actuality, you are making forward progress!

When people reach this point, checking out is not uncommon; they only real question is whether they will check out publicly or privately. Examples of checking out publicly include such things as filing for divorce, or submitting your resignation. Checking out privately might be entering marriage counseling while carrying on an affair, or closing the office door and spending hours on end surfing the web.

If we haven’t checked out, as circumstances become clearer, pessimism tends to begin to decline. We enter a period of hopeful realism. There are fewer surprises. We can see the obstacles to successfully achieving the desired outcomes of the change, and can see our way around, over, through them. We know that there is still a lot of hard work ahead of us, but are also increasingly confident that the hard work will pay off.

Following Hopeful Realism comes Informed Optimism. At this point we are experiencing real, measurable successes. We still need to work to sustain them. Sometimes–especially if stressed or tired–we might find ourselves slipping back into old ways of thinking or old habits. But when we do, we see it (or others point it out to us), and we bring ourselves back into alignment with the desired end results.

Completion is achieved when you are living in what was once your desired future… It is no longer a dream, or a hope. It is the way things are.

What is your experience with carrying out changes that you perceived as positive? How have you been lulled by the honeymoon of uninformed optimism, or put off-track by the inevitable arrival of informed pessimism? Comment. Share your story.

Choices: An Interview With Josh Brooks

May 28, 2015 By Brian Gorman

Recently Josh Brooks interviewed me for his audio blog, Another Brief Leadership Lesson. In this excerpt we discuss choices.

Work Your Plan One Week at a Time.

May 25, 2015 By Brian Gorman

Undertaking a big change is daunting; it can seem overwhelming. In past blogs we have talked about different aspects of planning. Today the focus is on executing against that plan.

In general, my recommendation is to work your plan one week at a time. (Here I am focusing on change at the individual level…if you are leading your organization through change, much of what I am offering here can be applied–with some translation–as well.)

Momentum is important during change. Move too fast and you may get all of the pieces in place, but never achieve the actual outcomes that you are seeking. Move too slow, and your change is likely to grind to a halt.

Taking a week-by-week approach, with your installation (what you are putting in place) and realization (what you are actually setting out to achieve) milestones in mind helps to maintain momentum. Think about it. In the next month I am going to update my resume doesn’t quite drive action the same way as This week I am going to make 15 networking calls.

You may or may not have any realization milestones that you plan to meet each week; you should definitely have installation milestones for yourself. Quoting from Wikipedia, “A milestone is one of a series of numbered markers placed along a road or boundary…Milestones are constructed to provide reference points along the road. This can be used to reassure travelers that the proper path is being followed, and to indicate either distance traveled or the remaining distance to a destination.”

Using milestones on a weekly basis allows you to know not only that you are actively doing things, but that you are on “the proper path.”

So why not create milestones for every day?

Generally, unless you are in a position to control virtually every aspect of your day, daily milestones become burdensome; they are too easy to not achieve as other day-to-day things come up; and, the discouragement of not achieving them can drain energy and actually get in the way of forward momentum.

That being said, I will sometimes work with a client to create “buckets of activity,” with the goal of accomplishing something out of each bucket on a daily basis. For example, someone who is looking to build a brand presence using social media might have one bucket for Twitter, one for LinkedIn, one for their business’s Facebook page, etc. Rather than spending every spare minute for a week strengthening their LinkedIn presence–and losing connection with their followers on the other media–my recommendation is to ensure that they do at least one thing out of each of the other buckets every day as well.

Your weekly milestones allow you flexibility over when you undertake your change-related tasks. If today is lost to unexpected overtime at work, or unanticipated disruptions at home (or both), you still have the remainder of the week to complete the work that you have set out for yourself.

What happens if, week after week, you are not meeting your milestones? If you find yourself in this situation, it is likely that one of two things is going on.

You are setting your weekly expectations too aggressively relative to what you are able to deliver. You either need to re-calibrate your expectations of what you can get done in a week, or you need to look at what you can take off the plate so that you can meet your targets. Then, you need to actually take things off the plate!
Your change is a good idea, but not imperative. The other things in your life that are taking your time, energy, focus, etc. away from this change outweigh the importance of the change you are working on. It is time to either lower your expectations for this change, or to put it aside.

If, on the other hand, you are completing everything you have set out to achieve mid-week each week, you should be accelerating your plan.

There is another reason to work your plan one week at a time…things don’t always go as planned. I am currently working with a client whose “buckets” include addressing certain aspects of his health. When he encountered an unanticipated delay in his surgery he had two choices…push his entire plan back by months, or accelerate other aspects of the plan to fill in the intervening weeks. My encouragement is, always, to maintain the forward momentum.

Finally, working your plan one week at a time helps you maintain your boundaries. It tells you when to take a break and rest for the next week; it helps you to avoid burn-out. When the only thing that we have in mind is the desired end state, the urge to be constantly working can drive us in unhealthy ways. Being able to say, I have accomplished what I set out to do this week. I am proud of myself, and can see the progress. And, now I deserve a break, is a much healthier approach.

For a mini-case study of how I applied this approach to a major change in my life, email me at brian@briangorman.net.

What is your experience when working your change plans? Please comment, and/or add your own story.

What’s In Your Change Portfolio?

May 18, 2015 By Brian Gorman

Unless you are actively involved in the field of project management, change management, or strategy, it is unlikely that you think in terms of a change portfolio. If the change that you are facing–or are currently engaged in–is personal, it is even less likely that a “portfolio” is in your frame of reference.

Unfortunately, that puts your change effort at significant risk.

Let’s begin by taking a minute to define what is meant by “change portfolio.” Simply put, it is all of those things that need to shift in order to deliver the intended outcome of your change. You may hear different language…projects, programs, work streams, change components. Each of these has its own meaning. But for us, focusing on change at the individual or small organization level, it’s enough to talk about “all the changes we have to make.”

Several months ago, we focused on a key message from Simon Sinek and others… Start with what’s in your heart. (see Don’t Start With a Plan.) We spent several blogs talking about the creation, and the telling, of your change story. These are important precursors to creating your change portfolio. Only when you know where you are going, and what it is going to be like once you get there, can you know what needs to change along the way.

There are several ways you may go about identifying what is in your change portfolio at this point. The process may vary, depending on the scope of what you are trying to change, whether the change is personal or organizational, and so forth. (Feel free to contact me offline if you want to discuss your situation.) But however you approach it, I would suggest you factor in the following.

What element(s) of the outcome does each of the changes contribute to?
For each change that is identified, how difficult will it be to execute, how critical is it, and how much will it contribute to the outcome?
If is is difficult and less-than-critical, can it be cut from the portfolio?
If it is easy, and less-than-critical, can it be cut from the portfolio?
When you look at all of the changes in the portfolio, will they deliver the outcomes you are seeking, or is something missing?

I recommend some form of white board/index cards/sticky notes process. And, I recommend having a bottle of aspirin nearby. This is one of those “Oh, S!*#” moments…when you begin to have some real in-depth understanding about what it will really take to succeed with the change.

The next question to ask yourself is, What other changes are going on? Why? Quite simply, each one eats up something: time, money, psychic energy, focus, the ability to adapt to change. As much as is possible, you should consider terminating, reducing in scope, or delaying them so that they don’t interfere with the important change that you are addressing.

Now, come back to your portfolio. It may contain 10, 20, 30, or more changes. As I noted earlier, it is likely that it frightened you (and anyone engaged in the process of defining it with you) when you first worked through what is in the portfolio. Introducing the portfolio to others will be just as frightening. So, before you do, see if you can weave some of the changes together.

For example, perhaps your change is a major shift in career. You’ve identified a series of changes that you need to make related to preparing yourself for the new career (select a program of study, enroll in night school, complete the program, obtain employment, earn certification, etc.). There may be another set of changes related to financing this shift (reduce budgeted expenses by 15%, obtain a student loan, etc.). And, there may be others…

By weaving the related changes together, you can begin to focus on “the path to career readiness” and “laying the financial foundation.” While initiating your change portfolio at that aggregate a level is dangerous (you don’t know what is really required for success), rolling things back up to that level once you have defined the portfolio makes it much more palatable.

Have you ever taken a change portfolio approach to your personal or small business change? What has been your experience? Please comment, and share your own experiences.

Do You Really Have To Make This Change?

May 12, 2015 By Brian Gorman

thin no circle Big change takes a big investment. It requires time, money, physical, emotional, and often spiritual energy. It requires saying “No” to things that are important so that you are able to say yes to the change. It’s risky, and success is never guaranteed.

As we discussed in an earlier post (Anchors, Aweigh!), making a major change requires reexamining the relationship that you have with the various anchors in your life: people, places, things… In some cases you will need to let go of old anchors, and form new ones. You may need to change your relationship with some of your anchors, becoming closer or more distant, more or less intimate, more or less engaged.

Major change requires changes in the way we look at, and think about, things. It requires us to do things differently. Perhaps we need to learn new skills, to engage with other people in different ways, or even to shift the way that we think about–and relate to–our own body.

Big change is tough; it is demanding; it is hard.

Sometimes you don’t have a choice. You’ve been laid off. Your company is relocating. You experience a serious health issue. When change is thrust on you in this way, change is going to happen… Take charge of it.Approach it as a victor, not a victim.

But when you do have a choice, think it over carefully. Talk it over with unbiased others. Ask yourself, Do I really have to make this change? What is the price I will pay if I do not?

Sometimes, the most important thing I can do for a client is to help her think through a change that she is ready to charge into…and have her realize that doing so is a good idea, but is not imperative. Sometimes, I help a client come to the answer that, No, I don’t really have to make this change. I am better off not investing in it.

Have you said no to change? What were the circumstances? What was the result? Were there times when you should have said no to a change and didn’t? Share your experience.

Are You Talking With the Right People?

May 6, 2015 By Brian Gorman

It is great to be supported by the people around you. It feels good to be acknowledged. It’s super to have others tell you that you are right.

When the going gets though, having a tight-knit circle of friends and supporters makes it seem a little easier. But if those are the only people you are talking with as you define, plan, and carry out your change, you are making a big mistake!

One of the realities of how we as human beings approach change is that we have a tendency to “play to our strengths.” One person may conceive of and shape the change incessantly for months on end. Another may plan it out to the most minute detail. Someone else may take the “Fire, Ready, Aim” approach.

One risk of limiting those who advise us to those who think like us and support us without question is that sometimes playing to our strength may be a mistake. Those of us who are creative are often much better at starting things than at bringing them to a successful conclusion. All the planning in the world won’t move you forward; nor is it ever possible to execute a major change “according to plan.” (As the old saying goes, People plan, and the gods laugh.) Nor is jumping into action too quickly the best idea.

Another risk that comes from surrounding yourself with nodding heads is that you will end up with a limited perspective on the circumstances driving the change, as well as the approach to addressing those circumstances. Abraham Maslow put it this way. “If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.”

When facing a major change, you need more than a hammer in your toolbox. You need counsel from people who see things through a different lens. You need to hear from others who have faced similar situations. You need to listen to those who have attempted this change journey before. Especially listen to those who have failed. Those who were successful may or may not know what contributed to their success; those who failed will have a clear grasp of what went wrong.

Value the perspective of those who are optimistic about your chances of success; they will give you encouragement along the way. Also value those who are pessimistic; they may be pointing out the potholes that you will want to avoid (or to be prepared to address) along the way. Appreciate those who are focused; they can help keep you from being distracted and moving off-course. Those who are proactive may compel you forward; their counterparts may be able to keep you from moving too quickly. Listen to people who can tell you what is just noise, and what is critically important for you to address.

It may only take adding one or two people to your circle to significantly broaden the voices you hear. But, they need to be people whom you trust, people whose thinking can cause you to change your mind, to think and/or act differently.

It may also require that you challenge those who have traditionally supported you, helping them understand that you need both their support and their challenges as well.

In all of your conversations, be clear as to who is making the decisions. Listen with an open mind. Don’t shoot the messengers. Finally, if you are the decision-maker, set the expectation that you want total candor, and that you will carefully weigh the counsel you are receiving. And, be clear that once you have made the decision, you expect their unwavering support.

What has been your experience when seeking counsel about change?