At its core, change is about letting go of old ways of thinking and doing in order to replace them with new ways of thinking and doing. Those old ways are our habits…they are triggered, and our bodies, our minds, perhaps our hearts and/or our mouths, respond in ways that are quite literally neurologically programmed in us.
If we want to disrupt the pattern we need to be conscious of the trigger, and then intentionally intervene before the response kicks in. This requires us to be present at the moment the trigger is fired. Yet how often are we present with ourselves?
How often are you present with yourself?
When I ask my clients this, I often get responses like, “I’m always with me, except when I am asleep,” or “My brain is always going…working, reading, daydreaming.” Sometimes I hear “I talk to myself all the time, planning what I want to do next, or telling myself what I just did wrong.” And, every once in awhile it is, “Why would I want to be present with myself? I’m so (boring, lazy, stupid…).”
While each of these responses speaks to some form of mind-body connection (or lack thereof), none of them speaks to presence. As I am using the term here, the core characteristics of presence with oneself include self-awareness in the moment (self-observation) and non-judgment. Let’s look at each of these characteristics briefly, and discuss why they are so critical to change. [Read more…]