TransformingLives.Coach

Create the future you want!

Are You Here Now?

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iStock_000009119192SmallIn Zen Judaism: For You, A Little Enlightenment, David Bader writes, “Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?”

It shouldn’t be that complicated. But, somehow, it happens a lot less than it should.

Think about today. Do you remember waking up, how you felt, where you did–or didn’t–ache, how rested or tired you were? Do you remember your shower or bath, what the water felt like on your body, the temperature, whether you were hurried or leisurely? What did your breakfast taste like this morning? Do you remember the experience of preparing it? [Read more…]

“No Time Outs, No Substitutions”

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Daryl PhotoIf you know Daryl Conner, you’ve heard this before. Daryl was my first true change mentor; I am 99.9% sure I heard “No time outs, no substitutions” in my first class with him in 1988. I still “hear” it in his writings and hear it in his speeches and conversations with clients on a regular basis.

No time outs, no substitutions.

It’s a great sound byte. it conveys at least two important messages in five simple words. But, when it comes to change, what does it really mean? And, is it true? [Read more…]

What’s Self-Care Got to Do With It?

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gym weightsIt’s amazing how often our misconceptions take us down the wrong path.

  • We think that the way to get ahead is to work harder than anyone else.
  • The path to professional success is personal sacrifice.
  • Sleeping less will give us more time for productive work.
  • Daydreaming is a waste of time.
  • We can just “push through it,” whatever it is.
  • Work is work, and our personal lives are our personal lives.

Wrong!

The truth is, we know that getting ahead isn’t about working harder than anyone else. Personal sacrifice can be taken to extremes, damaging or destroying our relationships and our support networks. Sleeping less not only leaves us tired; it can leave us with the same functional ability as if we were intoxicated. Allowing ourselves to daydream can open the door to creative, innovative solutions to problems that hours of holding our heads in our hands while staring at a blank page (or screen) failed to yield. Pushing through may work sometimes; it is far from a strategy for success. And, as much as some of us would like it to be the case, we are not separate people at work and at home. What happens at work doesn’t stay at work any more than what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas, and vice versa. [Read more…]

Words Matter!

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iStock_000019965393MediumIt is way too easy for our message to be lost in the words we use to deliver it!

How often have you heard (and/or said) the following?

  • I/we plan to…
  • It will be really important if we…
  • That’s not what I wanted to hear!
  • This is a priority.
  • That was a bad idea.

These words, and many more expressed in similar fashion, have the power to undermine your change. Word matter! Yet all to often, we “ready, fire, aim” when sending them into the world, and even when thinking them to ourselves.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of these phrases. That’s not what is important; what is important is hearing the messages they convey, and learning how to avoid them. Let’s take a look. [Read more…]

The Art and Science of Creation

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3926409_illustrationI have just read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. (You may know her as the author of Eat, Pray, Love.) While there are many reasons I am recommending Big Magic to various people, the reason that I am writing about it here is the incredible “aha” that I had as I journeyed through its pages.

If you have read my posts for any length of time, you know that one of my messages is that it doesn’t matter whether your change is at the individual, organizational, or societal level…the patterns for successfully navigating it are the same; they are based on an understanding of the psychology of the human response to change.

Big Magic broadened my perspective in a big way. What Elizabeth Gilbert helped me to see is that the patterns of change that I have worked with over the decades are the very same patterns that she, as an author, works with each time she creates a new piece of writing, whether it be a magazine article, a short story, or a full-length book. They are the same patterns that every creative works with, regardless of medium. They are patterns that can defeat us if we are unaware of their existence, or of their flow. And, they are patterns that can sustain and guide us if we learn and apply them.

I guess this shouldn’t be surprising… After all, change is about creation, “to cause something to come into being,” (www.dictionary.com). So why would it matter whether that something was a new relationship, a  business start-up, a shift in society’s response to gender identity, or a new photo project? [Read more…]

Dream the Impossible.

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iStock_000004817114verysmallI spent this weekend fostering dreams. No, I wasn’t working in a sleep-deprivation lab… I was facilitating an intent workshop for a client. They are a small nonprofit, founded to memorialize and honor the victim of a hate crime. In their early years, they focused on creating a physical memorial (a bench with a plaque) in his name, and provided victim services. They testified on behalf of hate crime legislation. Everything was done by volunteers. Most of them moved on. The organization languished.

However, one person kept the spark alive. He knew the work wasn’t done. He wasn’t ready to let the memory fade, or the underlying causes of the attack be left unchallenged. He still feels the pain of loss, the shock of a friend dead because of who he was.

He struck on an idea: produce children’s videos that address issues of difference and acceptance. He found a college teacher who was willing to make this a class assignment. An educator offered insights into key elements of the content. Students storyboarded, presented, and produced two videos.

Now, where do they go from here? [Read more…]