TransformingLives.Coach

Create the future you want!

Fear of Failure…Fear of Success

By

Communicating peopleLast week I posted on the danger of limiting beliefs. These frequently take the form of fear of failure…the reasons that we believe we will not be successful. The truth is, we can also set ourselves up for failure by a fear of success.

I have had many clients who face this challenge. Here are just a few of the ways that it has been voiced.

  • I would grow my business, but I don’t want the headaches that additional employees would bring.
  • I know that I could make a lot more money, but I don’t like what has happened to my friends who have achieved that goal; they’re just not nice people any more.
  • I would apply for my manager’s job when she retires, but I know the crazy hours she worked, and I don’t want that for myself.

The first question I always ask is, How do you define success? If you define it as a larger business with problem employees, that is what you will achieve…if you move forward. If success is making a lot of money, and becoming the type of wealthy person that you detest, that is what you will become…if you move forward. If it is getting a promotion and working untold hours as a result, that is what you will do…if you move forward. [Read more…]

I Would Do It, But…

By

istock_000005414141smal-posterlYou would do it, but… But what?

I’m not sure I know anyone who hasn’t started a statement this way more than once. I certainly have. I hear some form of it from virtually every coaching client, every mentoring client, every consulting client that I work with. I hear it from family, and from friends.

I would do it, but…

Sometimes the “but” has true legitimacy.

  • I would go to medical school, but I’m 58 now and really want to retire at 65.
  • I would move to Argentina, but I have found out that my credentials (on which I depend for my living) are not recognized there.
  • I would buy my apartment in a heartbeat, but it is in a rental building and not for sale.

 

More often than not, however, the “but” is legitimate in the mind of the speaker…and it has no factual basis.

  • I would apply for the job, but why waste my time when I’m not good enough to get it?
  • I would move in with Pete, but what happens if it doesn’t work out?
  • I would start my own business, but I’ve never run a business before. What if I fail?

It’s true. You might not get the job; things might not work out with Pete; your business might fail. And, if you apply with the belief that you are not good enough, if you move in with Pete believing the relationship might not work out, if you start your own business with your eye on failure…chances are good that failure is on the horizon.

Almost all of us develop limiting beliefs along the way. They define our world, and how we relate to it. [Read more…]

Mistakes and Trust

By

Pencils

Mistakes go hand-in-hand with trust.

There is no such thing as an error-free human being. Mistakes are an inherent part of the change process, and we all make them. We make mistakes in our personal lives. We make mistakes as partners, spouses, and parents. We make mistakes at work as well.

Sometimes our mistakes are small ones. Sometimes they are quite large. I was recently talking with someone who told me that after she received her law degree and was admitted to the bar she “practiced law for three minutes.” The adversarial environment was not right for her. Major companies launch new brands, or new strategies, that fail. (For those of you who can remember 1985, think “New Coke.”)

Many years ago I unexpectedly ended up having lunch with Curt Carlson. Curt was, among other things, the founder of Ask Mr. Foster Travel and Radisson Hotels. His was a multi-billion dollar privately held empire. At the time, I was heading a team that was tasked with selecting a travel agency for an organization with a multi-million dollar travel budget, and Ask Mr. Foster was one of our final two candidates. While there are many stories (and lessons) that I can share from that experience, one stands out here. [Read more…]

Important Changes Can’t Be Undone.

By

Undo KeyI admit it…I am not sure who some of my Facebook friends are, or where they came from. There must be some connection, some reason I either offered them a friend request, or accepted one that was sent my way. It’s easy enough to unfriend them; but then again, why bother? Our relationship isn’t that important to either of us.

Just like unknown “friends” on Facebook, little changes can be easily undone. If you fell in love with the paint chip in the store but hate the way the living room looks now that you have painted it, you can redo it. If you felt good about the way the new suit looked on you in the dressing room but saw it differently once you got home, you can return it. Some car dealerships are now offering exchange and/or return options for new car purchases.

But, important changes can’t be undone. [Read more…]

Every Change Has an Expiration Date

By

grunge red tag

I remember my first personal computer; it was a state-of-the-art dual floppy disk PC manufactured by IBM. In order to run spell-check I had to swap one of the disks out to put in the spell-check disk; my recollection is that there were 10 or more disks for the word processing program. The printer required a special Plexiglas hood that was lined with eggshell crate foam to help manage the noise. At the time many office workers were still on electric typewriters or dedicated word processing machines. That was 1983.

In 1990 I bought my own personal laptop; it was an upgraded model with 20 MB of storage. If I still had it today, that laptop wouldn’t even hold one of the photographs I now take with my digital mirrorless 35mm camera. Part of this post was written on a 120 GB iPad while sitting in a park enjoying the sunshine; it was uploaded to the cloud and then downloaded to a PC when I got home.

In 2004, 90% of American households had landlines; today that number is less than 50%. I am old enough to remember the evolution from 78’s, to 33-1/3’s and 45’s (for my younger readers, all forms of musical records); to eight-track and cassette tapes; to CD’s; to the first iPod, which Steve Jobs boasted was “designed to hold 1,000 songs.” Even that feels outdated today.

Every change has an expiration date. [Read more…]

Character and Presence: Guest Post by Daryl Conner

By

daryl-conner-high-resIt is an honor to publish this guest post by Daryl Conner. For more than four decades Daryl has been a thought leader in the field of change management. I have had the good fortune to study and work with Daryl for much of the past 28 years. Over the last five years, he has increasingly turned his attention to the role that character and presence play in the effectiveness of change practitioners and organizational leaders; Conner Academy serves leaders and practitioners seeking to “raise their game” through a focus on character and presence. In this post Daryl discusses character and presence more generally, encouraging us to consider the role our own character and presence plays whether we are leading, facilitating, or otherwise undergoing change.

There is a quote that “eighty percent of life is showing up.” While showing up is certainly important, it has become clear to me through my years of work in the field of change management that how we show up also plays a critical role both in our ability to influence and to lead others, and in how we experience change ourselves. At the root of how each of us shows up are our character and our presence. [Read more…]