Prepare for the Journey Archives - Page 11 of 13

Resistance Is!

February 3, 2015 By Brian Gorman

Resistance happens.

Whether you want to take this change journey or not, if it is a big change, you will find yourself resisting.

Whether it was your idea or not, if it is a big change, you will find yourself resisting.

Whether you see this as a negative change, or as a positive one, if it is a big change, you will find yourself resisting. Ditto for those around you who are affected by the change.

And, sometimes our strongest resistance (often expressed as “I can’t…”, see below) arises with the changes that are most important to us.

The truth is, resistance happens. It is a part of the change journey.

We have talked about this a little bit in earlier posts; let’s dive into it deeper today.

While it can take many forms–from gossip to work slowdowns, from subterfuge to immobilization–at its root, resistance is the result of unwillingness and/or inability.

It is easy to understand resistance when you (and/or others) see the change as negative. But why do we resist changes that you initiate, that we think are good ideas…or even true imperatives? The answer is actually pretty simple. At some point we begin to resist because we find out what the cost of the change is really going to be. (The cost might be financial, but it is generally much more. It might include a cost in prestige, or in relationships that have anchored you for years, or time, or in having to let go of other things you want to do, etc.)

When I first began training in change many years ago, Daryl Conner provided important guidance that I still use today. “The cost of the status quo must be significantly greater than the cost of the transition, or you will start the change journey but will not complete it.”

With this in mind, it is critical that as you prepare for your change, you not only look at the opportunities that it offers if you are successful. You also need to be very honest with yourself and others about the cost of making the transition…and the cost of not doing so!

Resistance’s other root cause is ability. You just may not have the skills or other resources that you discover you need if you are to be successful. Skill development may require training (if you need to do it yourself), or hiring others to perform the needed tasks. Either way, once again we are back to cost.

Finally, if you need other resources (whether that be equipment, or facilities, or software, or…), there will be a cost. Either you find, free up, or in some other way obtain those resources, or you redefine the change to something that is achievable with the resources that you do have.

There is one more important note about ability. Often you will hear, or you may even be the one saying, “I can’t…” Don’t take “I can’t” at face value! All too often, what it really means is, “I won’t.” “I can’t” is about ability. “I won’t” is about willingness. When faced with a really difficult task, “I can’t do it.” may actually be offered as the rationale for not having the courage to do it.

All too often, we see resistance as a sign of something going wrong. It isn’t. Resistance during major change is inevitable. Something is going wrong if you don’t see it, don’t feel it. Either the change is not really moving forward, or the resistance is playing out underground.

Surfacing resistance, and being clear about the willingness and/or ability causes that underlie it, will help you to continue to move the change forward. Ignoring it, or treating it as a distraction, will leave you short of achieving the change you have set our for yourself.

What is your experience with resistance?

Who Do You Listen To?

January 27, 2015 By Brian Gorman

When it comes to change, there is rarely a shortage of opinions, insights, ideas and suggestions that others have to offer. Who do you listen to?

Some people surround themselves with those who are always very supportive. If they have any question, any uncertainty, they are quickly assured that they are on the right track.

This can work well when in familiar and/or stable territory. it keeps us from wandering off course, investing our time, energy, and other resources in something that will distract us from our purpose.

It serves us less well, however, when venturing into unknown waters. Even those who might see danger ahead, or are able to provide us with cautionary advice, hesitate to do so. The message we have conveyed–intentional or not–is “don’t rock the boat.”

Others take counsel in a circle of friends or co-workers whose values and experiences are very much aligned with their own. In this environment, the dialogue is often more open and candid. People will call it as they see it.

While this is a better approach to seeking advice during change, it still carries a high risk. If everyone around you is looking at the world through the same lens as you are, it is rare that they will see things in a significantly different way. Once again, in uncharted territory this can be dangerous.

Several years ago, Daryl Conner and Linda Hoopes of Conner Partners extensively researched personal resilience. (Linda continues this research today through her organization, Resilience Alliance.). They identified a series of characteristics that distinguish more and less highly resilient people. One of those characteristics is “flexible social.” People who score high in this characteristic are likely to go outside their familiar circle of advisers when facing unfamiliar circumstances. They want to bring additional frames of reference to bear, to gain insights and understanding that would otherwise be unavailable to them.

If you take this approach, you need to be open to challenge. You have to suspend your judgment, and to consider alternative perspectives. You also have to have trust in those you are listening to. If what they have to offer is going to do more than “go in one ear and out the other,” you need to believe that they have credibility regarding whatever the topic may be.

My own approach is, perhaps, a bit of a hybrid. I have a small circle of people whom I refer to as my “heart friends.” These are the friends that will be there for me no matter what, 24/7, 365 days a year, without hesitation or question. When facing change, I will often consult one or more of them, to seek their insights and counsel.

At the same time, I don’t hesitate to go outside my comfort zone, to seek out others who might be knowledgeable in ways that will help to inform me. When I founded an AIDS nonprofit in the mid-90s I established an advisory board that included not only people in various AIDS-related fields. There was a futurist, who could help us think through alternative futures for a world living with AIDS. We had an IT professional who could offer guidance on the use of online bulletin boards to build community. Other advisers included a Catholic college president, a systems theory expert, and a consulting psychologist. Each brought a unique frame of reference as to how we might change America’s response to AIDS.

At the end of the day, listen to yourself.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma–which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Steve Jobs

Who do you listen to when approaching change? Comments and discussion are welcomed.

Big Changes Are Cathartic.

January 6, 2015 By Brian Gorman

Some changes are purely intellectual exercises. They make sense. We know how to achieve them. We get them done.

Big changes have an intellectual component…but they go much deeper.

Why?

At one level it is quite simple. They have the ability to (and quite often do) touch us to our very core.

Let’s take a brief look at this phenomenon. While it may not make the experience of catharsis any less difficult, it may be helpful to both know to expect it, and to recognize that this is an unavoidable element of major change.

Change disrupts the status quo; big change disrupts it big time. The path is unclear, the outcomes are uncertain, the journey often uncomfortable. At the very least, it will intrude on our sense of safety and security (the second level in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). Some changes may hit us at even a more fundamental level, leaving us feeling that our very survival is at stake. Other big changes may undermine our ego or sense of self-worth. Or, they may bring about the creation, re-definition, or termination of relationships. They can leave us questioning our wisdom, our insights, and our dreams.

As if that isn’t enough, very often the big changes in life–whether personal or professional–are about dismantling paradigms that we have invested significantly in creating and sustaining. Most likely, we envisioned them lasting forever (or at least for our lifetimes). It may be that the marriage or similar relationship that you have spent decades nurturing along with the home, the family, and the associated traditions are all about to fundamentally change. Or perhaps it is that the business in which you have invested days, nights, weekends (along with vacations and holidays) bringing to fruition…you have come to realize must dramatically change if it is to continue to survive.

If all this sounds like catharsis comes with “doom and gloom” (few people would be surprised about that), it is equally true with the positively perceived big changes you will face. While I will go into this in more detail at another time, the reason we so eagerly launch into those changes, whether at work or at home, is that we are naive as to what they will be demanding of us if we are committed to long-term success. (Think “honeymoon” here…) The status quo is being equally disrupted. The old paradigms still need to be dismantled. The journey is no more certain, nor is the outcome.

So, positively perceived change or negative, if the change is big, the journey is going to be more than a “head trip.” It is going to require making significant shifts in ways of thinking, behaving, and perhaps even believing; it is going to require letting go of the old and affirming the new.

What does this mean for you and the others affected by the change?

First, anticipate and plan for catharsis; don’t let it surprise you. It may be possible to create cathartic moments. One consulting firm that I know facilitates leadership workshops that are designed as catalysts for catharsis. I once worked with a client organization that held a ceremonial funerary event to acknowledge their acquisition, then followed it with a celebration for the new possibilities the acquisition would allow. The bachelor party and wedding reception are examples of parallel rituals at the personal level.

Second, acknowledge to yourself that catharsis is not just for the other people; it is part of your journey as well. Until you are ready to let the tears flow, find an appropriate outlet for the anger, perhaps laugh hysterically, mourn, and/or…, you will be unable to complete the journey.

What is your experience with catharsis and change? Please comment below.

New Year’s Resolutions: Resolve for Results, Not Just Action.

December 23, 2014 By Brian Gorman

Are you one of those who steadfastly makes New Year’s resolutions each January 1, only to see them evaporate into good intentions more quickly than the winter snow? Or, do you just not bother any more? Or, perhaps you are one of the few who make–and keep–their resolutions each year.

With this last post of 2014 (I am taking next week off to work on my resolutions), I thought it might be useful to think back on the posts of the past few months, and see how they can guide you through making New Year’s resolutions that stick.

Start with what’s in your heart. If it is something that you “really should” or “need to” do, you may start down the road, but the journey is likely to stop far short of the destination. Eating healthier, getting more exercise, quitting smoking, sleeping 6-8 hours a night…these are all worthy resolutions. And, if you are making one or more of them your resolutions, it is because doing so will be a big–and tough–change for you.

Big, tough changes don’t succeed because they are the right things to do; they succeed because in our hearts (not in our minds) we cannot imagine them failing. They succeed because they are rooted in our hearts, not our heads.

What change, or changes, have roots in your heart? That is where your New Year’s resolution needs to begin. Don’t start with “what” you are going to do. A resolution that you will fulfill is not about going to the gym more often; there is something deeper. Start with what is in your heart. Start with Why.(See the post, Don’t Start With a Plan!)

Write your change story. Reflect on your “why.” Envision achieving it. You have just crossed the finish line of your first marathon. You are standing on the stage, mid-career, receiving your college degree in the field you have wanted as your career your entire life. You have woken up in your new home in Costa Rica for the first time. You have come out as gay, or bi, or trans, and you know what it means to live as who you truly are–without fear or hesitation or regret–for the first time in your life.

Write your change story from where it is rooted. It is a story that is driven by your passion to make it true; let that passion flow into the story. Yes, there will be some talk about the “how’s” and the “what’s.” But if the change is that deep and important, many of those things will be mysteries now. Think about a few signals that you are on the right track. Using one of the examples above…it is not that you have registered for college, but that you have begun studies in the career of your choice.

There is much more to writing your change story. How will you know when you get there? Who is in your story? What is your time frame? Why is it important to honor the past, and to respect and believe in yourself? What is the flow “sparkline”? (See the posts What’s Your Story? Parts 1-3 for more guidance on writing your story.)

Tell your story. First, tell it to yourself. Stand in front of the mirror. Look yourself in the eye. Speak your truth. Yes, really! It may be difficult, or even impossible, at first. But if you can’t stand up to witnessing your own story it is unlikely that you will be able to live it. Tell it again, and again, and again. And tell it to others.

(For more, see the post Telling Your Personal Change Story.)

Anchors, aweigh. We each have our own anchors. They help to keep us in place in our lives, and provide stability when things get tough. They may be other people, our beliefs and practices, possessions, a job…

What are your anchors? Will they help keep you faced into your New Year’s resolution? Will they weigh you down until you cut yourself free from the resolution? Do you need to cut yourself free from (or in some other way redefine your relationship to) them?

Our anchors are critical in times of change. So is maintaining the relationship with them (including no relationship at all) that will enable us to succeed. (Learn more about working with your anchors in Anchors, Aweigh!.)

When the going gets tough… If your resolution has its roots in your heart, the only reason it might seem easy right now is because you really don’t know what it will take to succeed (think “honeymoon”). It isn’t a matter of “if the going gets tough.” It is “when the going gets tough.”

Yes, when the going gets tough, you need to be tough as well. But, unfortunately, too often we think that we can tough it out alone when we can’t. And, if it is a tough change, chances are, we can’t tough it out alone. The twelve step programs are a great reminder of this. No one thinks that alcohol, or substance use, or sex, or gambling addictions are healthy choices in life. Twelve step programs are there to help people move through, and beyond, these addictions. And, each of them uses some form of an accountability buddy (think “sponsor”) to do so.

We need discipline if we are to realize the promise of our New Year’s resolution. And with the discipline, we may well also need an accountability buddy. (See Discipline 2.0 to learn more about the discipline needed to achieve your resolution goals.)

Welcome to the season in which many of us promise to make positive change for ourselves, and perhaps the world. These resolutions require resolve. My wish for you this holiday season is that however you may celebrate it, may it be a celebration of joy and wonder. I also wish that as you face the New Year, you find the resolve deep in your heart to continue on a journey of growth, health, healing, and happiness. And, finally, I wish for you a joyous, wondrous, and heart-felt fulfilling New Year!

Rembrandt Didn’t Paint By Numbers: Mastering the Art and Science of Change.

December 16, 2014 By Brian Gorman

Whether you are a professional change practitioner, or an individual attempting to more successfully navigate the changes in your life, it is important to understand both the science and the art of change. Rembrandt offers us a valuable role model in this regard. Known as one of the best artists ever, he was a master of his craft.

At the age of fourteen, Rembrandt van Rijn (Rembrandt of the Rhine) entered The University of Leiden. Nine months later he left the university to apprentice with a master painter, Jacob Isaacsz Van Swanenburgh. In his book How Rembrandt Reveals Your Beautiful Imperfect Self, Roger Housden writes that in the 1620’s, “(an artist’s) standing, despite the general popularity of painting, was not high. In general, he was still considered more of a master craftsman than someone with a unique artistic talent.”[1]

Swanenburgh was no great artist, but he would have taught Rembrandt to prepare a canvas and grind colors; he would have shown him the elementary principles of drawing, perspective, and anatomy. Pigments were ground with linseed oil on a large, flat stone—the grindstone—to make the paint. Rembrandt would have made white paint from white lead and chalk, blue from ground glass, and lacquers from insects or plants.

Rembrandt began his formal education by learning the science of his craft.

By the age of nineteen, with two apprenticeships behind him, Rembrandt set up his own studio, which he shared with another painter. Here he began to experiment, including his early work in etching, an artistic technique that was just beginning to emerge. For more than forty years, Rembrandt continued to seek mastery of his craft, learning—and often defining—the science of it as he developed in his artistry.

Rembrandt didn’t paint by numbers.

This brief introduction to Rembrandt provides several lessons for those of us who practice the craft of change execution. First, just as Rembrandt learned about canvas and colors, perspective and anatomy, we need a firm grounding in our science. The science of change is about applying a uniform set of things (patterns, risk, tools, etc.) in a standard way, each intended to consistently accomplish a very narrow range of outcomes. It involves staying within defined boundaries, preserving prescribed meaning, and leveraging known solutions. The benefit of the science of change is that it allows for “stability.” When addressing challenges that are highly complex, volatile, and ambiguous, it is important to have access to means you can trust to create similar results most of the time. Applying the science of change also greatly simplifies the execution of less difficult changes.

Rembrandt became a master of his science. This provided him with a firm foundation, and one that he continued to develop and refine over his lifetime. However, it wasn’t this mastery alone that led to the renown he claims today. Rembrandt also became a master artist. He experimented, creating self-portraits that reflected anger, worry, and laughter. “He was able to see the realities of the three-dimensional world, and was true to what he saw; but he could also see what the ordinary eye cannot: the spirit, the life of a person, or indeed of a landscape. With one eye, Rembrandt saw every physical detail; with the other, he saw with the eye of imagination.”[2] Rembrandt was a student of light and shadow—what is visible, and what is not. Wherever he went, he was observing, making sketches, capturing and expressing the visible and the invisible. It is these things that imbue his work with life, that raise his art from being technically superior to the level of masterpieces.

Likewise, we can be skilled technicians, masters of our science. As such, we may be successful in the implementation of many changes. However, strong—even masterful—technical ability is not enough to ensure success. We, too, need to be artists. Just as Rembrandt, we need to study human mindsets and behaviors. We need to keep one eye on “the realities of the three dimensional world,” and one on the spirit that is driving those realities. We need to be students of the light and the dark, the visible and the invisible. The art of change is about applying “creativity and intuitive judgment” to unique circumstances where multiple scenarios of success are likely to surface. It involves exploring new horizons, generating meaning in the moment, and fostering innovative responses. Science informs us, while art shapes our viewpoint. Both aspects are essential to properly address today’s level of transformational challenge. The science is needed to establish a steady platform from which we can operate—providing trustworthy understanding, skill, tools, and so forth to select and deploy. The art is necessary so the items we select can be tailored (in substance and/or presentation) to meet the particular demands of each contingency.

While Rembrandt proudly claimed his space in the history of art, it is also clear that he was a student of those who came before him. He was a collector of art, and art books. You can see his homage to past masters in the dress and poses of many of his self-portraits. In practicing our craft, we too, need to be mindful of those who have come before us, of the science—and the art—that they have left for us, and from which we can learn.

Rembrandt’s struggles are legend. Three of his five children died in infancy, and a fourth died in his twenties. Rembrandt lost two wives. He suffered bankruptcy, losing his home and virtually all of his possessions. He suffered from melancholy, what we would now term depression. Yet through all of this, he prevailed. Through all of this, he grew in his science and art of his craft. His passion for making art never seemed to waiver. “All through his life, he was ‘making himself’ through the work of his art. Not deliberately, not self-consciously; but through a continual and dedicated working over and over of the same furrow he was given to plow, the furrow of art. Just so, we ‘make ourselves’ with our own form of dedication to a lifelong task, a relationship, or faith.”[3] Hopefully, none of us will experience the suffering of Rembrandt as we seek to “make ourselves” as change practitioners. Nonetheless, we need to draw from his lesson of passion, commitment and relentless pursuit to the work if we are going to move toward mastery of our craft.

The execution of change is not a casual craft. Rembrandt didn’t paint by numbers and if we are to truly practice our craft, we cannot either. We cannot ensure success by relying on unconscious competence; nor will success be routinely achieved by blindly applying a fixed change methodology, no matter how rigorous it is. If we are to consistently succeed, whether with organizational change or with the changes in our own lives, we require a balance of the science and art of change.

What are your thoughts on the science, and the art, of successfully navigating change? Add your comments below.

[1] How Rembrandt Reveals Your Beautiful, Imperfect Self: Life Lessons from the Master. Roger Housden; Random House, 2005; page 17.

[2] Ibid, pp. 33-34.

[3] Ibid, p. 156.

Intuition? You can’t always trust it!

December 9, 2014 By Brian Gorman

Do you rely on your intuition? For those of us who do, the reason is simple… Most of the time it serves us well.

However, if you are facing (or in the midst of) a really big change, intuition is one of those things that can all too easily lead you astray.

In this post I will briefly describe some of the ways in which difficult change calls for counter-intuitive action.

If you have a “Type A” approach to life, you may well find yourself in a leadership position when faced with change, whether at the personal or organizational level. Among the characteristics often seen in Type A’s are: rigidly organized, impatient, and avoidance of mistakes (or at least an avoidance of admitting to them). Day-to-day, these characteristics might serve you well; if the change you are facing is highly disruptive they can do just the opposite.

By definition, the really big changes we face come with surprises, unexpected twists and turns, unanticipated challenges. Yes, being organized helps prepare you, and allows you to move through the change in a more certain way. The caveat is “a more certain way,” not a certain way. Being too rigidly organized, having an expectation that things will all go the way they are planned planned, will test your patience…certainly not healthy if you are impatient to start with.

Impatience, the swift move from decision to action, is a risk from the outset of large-scale change. Remember “uninformed optimism” [see What’s Your Story? (Part 1)]. Impatience can easily get you on the wrong path forward if you have not clearly articulated your story. In addition, it will put distance between you and others whose understanding, commitment, and alignment are essential to the success of the change.

As for mistakes…they are part of the territory. You will make them. if you don’t acknowledge and own them, you are not going to be able to correct them, make the needed adjustments, and get back on the path to success.

“Don’t worry. Be happy!”

This may be a useful lens for seeing things during relative calm. Whether at home or at work, lower stress and satisfaction lead to higher productivity and a better quality of life. But, the disruption of change brings with it worry; frowns are liable to replace the smiles at times. If you want to keep people happy, lessen the change. if you want the change to deliver on its promise, find ways to help them be successful despite their discomfort. (And remember, the same holds true for you as you move through the change… you won’t always be comfortable; you can be successful.)

Big change requires decisive leadership!

There are times when building consensus is important. When engaging in a major change, however, consensus is not going to determine the path forward. Some people are less comfortable with change than others; some are more secure in trusting fate or sticking with the status quo. Some people will see the future through a lens closely aligned to your own; others will have a widely divergent view.

Listen to those voices that are important to hear. Encourage them to challenge you, to disagree, to offer alternative perspectives. But be clear as to how (and by whom) decisions will be made. When the time comes for decisions to be made, if you are the decision maker, make and own the decisions.

There are many other ways the intuition and other “steady state” ways of doing things can trip you up during major change. What has your experience taught you? Please post it below.